As a Nana (grandmother but a name I like much better), I'm overjoyed at watching my son as a parent. He's doing a fabulous job.
When things are going south, he sits down with his son and just talks to him about why he's upset and what they need to do together to work it. His knows he can always come to his dad when he needs help or feels he has done something wrong.
We talked about last night. His father was a disciplinarian. He believed in spanking because he was spanked when he was growing up. It was just one of many things we disagreed on when it came to raising our children.
My son said he remembered being afraid of his father finding out when he'd done something wrong because he would be disciplined. As he got older the spanking stopped but punishment was still something to fear; things like grounding, having things taken away. Knowing this would be the result led to both of the kids lying.
My son told me he never worried about me finding out he'd done anything.wrong. Instead he knew he could come to me and he knew we could talk about anything he needed to. There was no fear.
He wants his own son to grow up the same way-knowing no fear, always feeling safe in coming to him to talk to him no matter he might have done.
Spanking (corporeal punishment) does not make children behave . In fact, it does the opposite. The fear it instills creates avoidance, and promotes lying to stop them from getting caught. How is that showing them love? When I was a child being spanked, I was told, " this hurts me more than it does you" . Sure. Gaslighting your child on top of instilling fear hurts you.
Parenting is about communication and creating an atmosphere of trust, more than anything else. Build those relationships from the start, and reap the benefits throughout their lives.
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