There’s a lot of discussion about consent and what it means. When a person says no and that men often refuse to accept that and walk away. I want to share one of own experiences. My partner and I went to Las Vegas in January of 1995. I sat down at a blackjack table. There was a man to my left, and one to my right. I engaged in conversation with both. The man to my left was from Indiana, a businessman in town for a convention. This man was immediately high pressure. He asked where I was staying. I made it clear I was in town with my partner. He continued to flirt, claimed he was a high roller (at a $25 table betting the minimum, okay dude), and then tried to give me his room key. I quietly told him I wasn’t interested. He proceeded to try to force the card under my hand where it rested on the table. When I pushed it back, the man to my right noticed, and said something about my obvious disinterest. The businessman seemed surprised, but continued to be insistent. By now the dealer had noticed and also said something. Even after being called out by two other men, and my continued rejection, he tried again to give me his keycard. The dealer had to threaten to call over the pit boss, whom I noticed was already watching our table. The man finally left the table. The man to my right asked me to stay at the table, just to be safe. I was getting low on chips, so to give me the opportunity to stay, he borrowed me a couple of chips and quipped how a person always wins on borrowed money. (He was right, I walked away with over $150 after paying him back!) My point here is this: I am not alone in this experience. The man I dealt with that day expected to pressure me into acquiescence, and when I wouldn’t go along, was also surprised the other men present were not on his side. This is our culture. We have to be afraid of this behavior, never knowing what could happen. Even the other men that day knew what could possibly happen to me, and tried to keep me safe. We need to work harder on teaching young boys to understand that no means no, not try again. It’s time to walk away when the word no is heard. It should not fall to other people to protect us, because the situation should never get that far. It makes me even more upset to know how little things have changed; to hear people tell stories about how these incidents are still happening to them today, twenty-seven years later.
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